Songwriters, singers and authors; how can I ever live without the comfort of their fantasy worlds? Of their inspirations. Oh yes, I said inspirations. This may sound so incredibly corny, but it’s pretty much the truth. Music and books are my escape. Or should I say my saviours?
There’s the song playing now in my ears; it’s the song I’ve been pining for. I don’t choose a song I would like to listen to anymore. My soul just chooses it for me nowadays. I start humming tunes just out of the blue. Not common tunes that I usually listen to, which often happens, but just random songs. And they so match my mood that it amazes me and somehow I have pangs for them like hunger. Once I hear them I have a satisfying comfort that is so hard to explain. It’s a healing for my soul in a way. Maybe it’s my unconscious mind’s way of paving my path to move on in life. Perhaps. Perhaps. The songs are from my past, that I know. And although they had never held much significance in my eyes then, I start to see them in a new light... I feel the music in my heart of hearts and it’s like something meaningful awakens in me. Oh yea, soppy, clichéd; makes you sick; but let me warn you – it sure isn’t no drama soap.
One sunny morning early this spring, I woke up to find this song in my head just out of nowhere. I was pretty sure I had not heard it recently and the most frustrating bit was that I only knew three verses of it! I had a knack that the lyrics spoke of being stuck in between or some such and the three verses that kept singing themselves to tune in my head were “...all I need is time...a moment that is mine...while I am in between...”. Three days on and it still wouldn’t get the hell out of my head! Good grief! So finally defeated, I log in on my music site of sorts and type in the first verse and the singer who I thought must have sung it. And sure enough there it was and would you believe how related to me these lyrics were? The song triggered something in me... it was true, I needed time, a moment that was only mine, while I was still in between and not at the end or the beginning; to figure out who I am, who I want to be...
AND the other day, just when I was feeling blue, lonely and lost with the wind howling cruelly cold around me this tune whizzed into my head... do be obliged and guess?
Strike one!! You’re right!
“...it’s a damn cold night...”
Hard to believe? Believe it.
It’s like that now. I’ve been trying to shut off my ‘times of yore’ from my mind for the past couple of days. Trying with a will of iron...but trying and failing I guess, because I gave in to this. “...and she’s buying a stairway to heaven...” It was song I used to play repeatedly during a turning point of my life (though I had no idea at the time). I’ve been humming the tune for a while now and just moments ago gave in to temptation. There is a sweet comfort in hearing the song...so long as I fight the nostalgia. But the urge for it is increasing and it keeps steadily ascending.
I’m in the world of the song. The music is the breeze of this unique world. The words are its character. And it’s just me and the singer’s voice...
I’m vulnerable.
Am I giving in to nostalgia? It seems I am. Yea, so I am.
I allow myself to indulge in the sickening sweet longing of the past...just for a few seconds and my emotions are already in turmoil.
Pull away while you can...
I can’t.
But then I can, because I’ve grown; grown through time. I know I can’t change the past. So I plunge once again into the music that is my comfort, my companion, my saviour...
There’s the song playing now in my ears; it’s the song I’ve been pining for. I don’t choose a song I would like to listen to anymore. My soul just chooses it for me nowadays. I start humming tunes just out of the blue. Not common tunes that I usually listen to, which often happens, but just random songs. And they so match my mood that it amazes me and somehow I have pangs for them like hunger. Once I hear them I have a satisfying comfort that is so hard to explain. It’s a healing for my soul in a way. Maybe it’s my unconscious mind’s way of paving my path to move on in life. Perhaps. Perhaps. The songs are from my past, that I know. And although they had never held much significance in my eyes then, I start to see them in a new light... I feel the music in my heart of hearts and it’s like something meaningful awakens in me. Oh yea, soppy, clichéd; makes you sick; but let me warn you – it sure isn’t no drama soap.
One sunny morning early this spring, I woke up to find this song in my head just out of nowhere. I was pretty sure I had not heard it recently and the most frustrating bit was that I only knew three verses of it! I had a knack that the lyrics spoke of being stuck in between or some such and the three verses that kept singing themselves to tune in my head were “...all I need is time...a moment that is mine...while I am in between...”. Three days on and it still wouldn’t get the hell out of my head! Good grief! So finally defeated, I log in on my music site of sorts and type in the first verse and the singer who I thought must have sung it. And sure enough there it was and would you believe how related to me these lyrics were? The song triggered something in me... it was true, I needed time, a moment that was only mine, while I was still in between and not at the end or the beginning; to figure out who I am, who I want to be...
AND the other day, just when I was feeling blue, lonely and lost with the wind howling cruelly cold around me this tune whizzed into my head... do be obliged and guess?
Strike one!! You’re right!
“...it’s a damn cold night...”
Hard to believe? Believe it.
It’s like that now. I’ve been trying to shut off my ‘times of yore’ from my mind for the past couple of days. Trying with a will of iron...but trying and failing I guess, because I gave in to this. “...and she’s buying a stairway to heaven...” It was song I used to play repeatedly during a turning point of my life (though I had no idea at the time). I’ve been humming the tune for a while now and just moments ago gave in to temptation. There is a sweet comfort in hearing the song...so long as I fight the nostalgia. But the urge for it is increasing and it keeps steadily ascending.
I’m in the world of the song. The music is the breeze of this unique world. The words are its character. And it’s just me and the singer’s voice...
I’m vulnerable.
Am I giving in to nostalgia? It seems I am. Yea, so I am.
I allow myself to indulge in the sickening sweet longing of the past...just for a few seconds and my emotions are already in turmoil.
Pull away while you can...
I can’t.
But then I can, because I’ve grown; grown through time. I know I can’t change the past. So I plunge once again into the music that is my comfort, my companion, my saviour...
