...as i am...

Do you not see me? Do you not see the terror; so pure and raw that I know is in my eyes? Do you not know that I am trying to flee from all of you? Do you not realize that when I do, I will cry, endlessly, for not being able to be like you? Do you not understand the strength that it takes for me to carry myself as I am?

Yes, I know you cannot even fathom what I feel. Yes, I realize that you are completely taken by the strength of my façade. YES! I HAVE BEEN A LONER FOR SO LONG! But that does not mean I do not care to have friends. It does not been that I am not wistful by what I see.


A MASQUERADE!! Maybe so. Yet sometimes I wish I could be like you. Outgoing. Almost carefree. I hate, nay, loathe it when I become this way. I KNOW this is me. I know I cannot be like you. I know I do not actually want to have a personality like that of yours. And yet it get so, so hard to live everyday - day in, day out – among you and feel desolate, like a neon light that people sidestep and ignore unless they need something to light their path for a moment...


YES! LIL OLD ‘VICTIMIZED’ ME, EH? Well, yoohoo for you for being right. But I dare you to come and live this way, knowing all I know, being all I am.

Well, hell to that. I am myself because I am this way. I cannot, could not recognize myself when I tried to change.
I wipe my tears, take a deep breath and gather myself. I walk away with my head held high, my eyes lowered... as though I could not care a bit what you think of me... as I am...