Illusions

Indulging myself in the euphoria of my drugs, I was. It wafts towards me, its fingers gently playing in my ears. My heart lurches, as one would when one is standing on a bus and it drives off. And as such, my heart is thrown against the floor of my soul. Immediately, my eyes are drawn towards the scene of music. Nostalgia engulfs me, drowning me in its tender embrace. Though it was just a month ago, it seems so long ago, and I am not the same person anymore. My heart keeps to the rhythm of the song, I see those days relived in my memory. I want to be the girl I was then. Yet I don’t.

Oh! I don’t know!!

Bliss? Yes, it was. But only some moments.

Is bliss ever real? Can anyone be perfectly blissful? Or is it just an illusion that we create so we can survive in this world? Oh, how selfish I am being.

There are those who are far less blessed than I could ever even imagine.

But that’s us humans, isn’t it? Selfish.

Is it too much to ask for simple happiness, though?

Yes, I have my basic necessities. A family and their love. Yet...yet... sometimes I feel so lonely I think it’s going to drive me insane.

My past is a pathway of hideous mistakes. Mistakes that will always stay with me. Mistakes that haunt me. That destroyed me. And destroys me still. I am rebuilding myself. Yes, I still dream. And yes, maybe they are impossible illusions once more. Illusions that will crash on me again. Till then, though, I will survive.

My pain is mine alone.

All those who need me, I shall be here. Even in my darkest hours, you will have my comfort. As you always have had... I’ll build another illusive dream yet again, and go on... until it crashes on me. Again.

Maybe it will eradicate me one day.

Who knows...? But till then I shall dream... unending dreams...

Don’t try to stop me, please!

Because I will dream... even when it hurts... I will dream... like the dreamer I have always been...