Forget-You-Never

[written with thoughts of all my friends; then, now & to-be]

You come.

You touch.

You leave.

Come back, please?

You can’t even hear me. Or you don’t want to. Where have those promises of “eternity” and “forever” and “always” gone? Kaput. Just like that. Just like that. Where am I left? Right here. Weeping. Missing. Longing.

No, no, don’t mind me.

Obviously I’ll get over it. That’s what your gestures mean, right? GET OVER IT! So where’s the problem, eh? Problem is I don’t truly get over it. Not ever.

When you come into my life, you do something magical to me. You give me a reason to smile when I open my eyes to a new dawn, knowing there is someone who cares what happens to me. Such is the thrill in knowing the care of someone who is not obliged to do so.

Care. What a word. What a thing.

Do you know what it means? I hear a ‘yes’. But do you truly? Another ‘yes’. Then do you care for me? An inevitable ‘yes’. And I believe you, truly, utterly, completely believe you; because I, too, care for you. Yet, there is a difference in our caring. A difference that I am not aware of. A fatal difference, if I may.

I care too much. You care just enough.

But I do not know it, and am in a state of ignorant bliss. You are one of my closest, as I am one of yours. Or so I think. How in the world would I know? I wouldn’t. I just trust.

Trust. Another of those big words. Big things.

Can I trust you? Of course, I can, even with my life. I won’t be hurt again? Never ever. You’ll be here for me. You’ll make sure I’m never hurt.

But you don’t really mean much of that, do you? Nay, I won’t judge. I don’t know what is in your heart. You speak the truth. You care for me. I can and shall trust you. You’ll never abandon me.

I smile. I’m dancing on a rainbow. I see my dark moments in my mind’s eye, during which you support me. Aid me. Pull me out. You, the shining ray out of thick grey skies. You, the silver lining of my black cloud. I smile again.

Thank goodness for you.

Tonight, I lie here. No, not an insomniac, but afraid if I close my eyes, I will succumb to my teary urge. So I just lie here, looking into dark nothingness. I say your name in my mind and smile, remembering the first time we met. The magic you brought with your presence in my life. Everything that happened in between. I smile. Back to the present night.

Where are you? Gone. So soon? So soon.

Your touch still lingers on my heart. Your mark.

A taint. A scar. A caress.

It could be either. Sometimes I reach out and touch it to feel pain... other times bliss... other times lament. Either way, it’s still there. Not gone like you are...

It could be my fault. My mistake. Or perhaps yours. Doesn’t matter, though. I apologize for my faults, cherish the good times. I haven’t forgotten and I shall never...

Though I have a question to ask.

Why let me hope for something long lasting when you can’t guarantee? Why let me hope for you, my friends? Why let me hope you’ll stand by me?? Why let me hope I shall no longer be a loner??

Why let me hope a hopeless hope???